Stressing about my stress... fighting with general anxiety disorder

Charlotte Mahn
Apr 21, 2024
5 min read

Living with general anxiety disorder can make normal, everyday tasks and events challenging. When panic/anxiety attacks happen or when I am feeling more stressed or anxious about anything, I tend to eat more, feel more tired and have difficulty with remembering the most basic information.

What I call stress eating is what psychologist refer to as emotional eating. Emotional eating is related to food insecurity. Food insecurity is defined as “limited or uncertain means to access nutritious food in a safe and socially acceptable manner.” (Hazzard, et al., 2022, as cited in Sanford Center for Behavioral Research, p1). This makes sense to me. Being anxious about having food or being able to afford food has happened to us in the past. When I was little, it was always obvious when my parents were struggling. We would have a loaf of bread and a pack of bologna and cheese. I would get half a sandwich and the chips were counted out. Both my parents would have some reason that they were not eating with us. I had no idea how bad they had it. My father supported eight children and my mother on his wages. He only had a GED, so he did not make very much money. We learned early on not to ask for seconds. My father would get terribly upset and sometimes slap us for asking. He would say “If you’re still hungry, go eat dirt!” It was also obvious when he was paid. We would have a normal meal and he would ask us if we wanted more and told us there was plenty. We had no idea at that time why he did that. In my adult life, there have been times when I worried if there would be enough to make it to payday or I would take my son to my sister’s house to babysit because I knew she would feed him. Thankfully, we have never been truly hungry, but I did skip meals from time to time back then.

Fatigue is a constant for me. In a study done by Leung, et al. (2022) women with general anxiety disorder have more mental and physical fatigue than woman who do not have anxiety issues. Poor sleep quality, though not the only factor, mixed with repetitive negative thoughts can increase fatigue in women with general anxiety disorder. (Leung, et al., 2022. pp. 673-674,676). I can understand how the negative thoughts and poor sleep quality together would make the fatigue worse. It does not help when I have coworkers who constantly call, text, and email me telling me how awful their day is. Considering it is hospice work, I do not expect things to be rosy all the time, but dwelling on the negative just seems to add to my stress and negative thinking. I was raised in a family where many members, no matter how good your day was, would always find something to complain about. Anything from neighbors to school friends to politics was fair game. They had something negative to say about most anything. I try hard not to be negative all the time, but I do find that negativity creeping up in my mind frequently. Especially on a day when it seems that nothing you do is working the way you wanted.

Being absent minded is common for me. The working memory, a part of short-term memory, can be disturbed when people are worried or stressed but more so for people with general anxiety disorder. (Vital, et al., 2016). Increased anxiety/stress disrupts working memory’s ability to process and retain new information. (Vital, et al., 2016 pp. 1,7). This certainly is the case with me. I have difficulty remembering things from ten minutes ago. Where I put my phone (that is in my pocket). For what did I come in this room? Most people do this from time to time. I do this all the time. I think this goes back to feeling like I must get everything done NOW. And everything must be done today. My parents reprimanded me if I did not do things the way they wanted. Fussed at because I did something too slow. Now, I am trying to get everything done, worried if I will get everything done, when the reality is, there is no rush. I have unrealistic expectations of what I can do in a day. But things weigh on my mind and I do not always pay attention to what I am doing. I will be cooking supper, but I am really thinking about when my next paper is due, have I paid all the bills, did I miss any. Then I burn my hand or cut myself. I am not forgetful because I do not care. I am forgetful because I am worried about accomplishing things, about being a disappointment to anyone.

I know that I have habits and behaviors that need addressing. As far as emotional eating goes, I just do not buy junk food. I make sure to eat before going to the grocery store because I end up buying unhealthy snacks when I shop hungry. I try hard to have healthier choices for snacking when emotional cravings happen. I have also started modifying favorite recipes, using artificial sweeteners in place of sugar, using yogurt or applesauce to reduce fats. I have even gone as far as writing on my calendar what the menu for the week will be. With fatigue, I must move. Just get on the treadmill and walk. Yoga stretches have proven to help relax my nerves as well as my muscles. My doctor also encourages supplemental vitamins and keeping a regular bedtime schedule. According to Leung, et al. (2022), in treating general anxiety disorder, addressing repetitive negative thoughts may help to reduce fatigue and improve sleep quality. To stay positive, I intentionally think of something positive that happened that day. I can always think of a time that was worse and I can always find someone who has situations worse than mine. I want to try writing it down before bed. I tend to remember better if I write things down. Also, turning off the phone after my shift is over so I will not have constant emails and text messages. As for being forgetful, I have a large calendar. I write down what I feel is the most important thing for me to accomplish that day. I check off tasks as I complete each one. I have recently taken up gardening in hopes of doing something useful and positive. Hopefully, it will give me that sense of accomplishment that seems to always make me feel better.